Sunday, February 21, 2016

Slow and Steady, Grasshopper

It's not easy facing your own mortality. It's not easy facing the mortality of your loved ones. And yet, I've done that, and I'm doing it again, now. 

My sister is facing surgery for colon cancer. 

My husband has had triple bypass surgery. He's doing well, all things considered.

It's far easier being the patient than watching your loved one be the patient.

I did not expect to feel so lost, driving home from the ICU after that first visit. 
I felt like a vessel without a rudder. I still do. 

I got all shook up (and not in a good way). 
I lost so many hours, not knowing quite what to do, or where to be.

I got bogged down in worry and stress and fear.
I lost my present moment while living in an imaginary future.

And then I read this:
"taking even one more breath is a blessing."

And I knew I was reading a fundamental truth.

This "one more breath,"
this present moment,
now,
that is where I need to be.

As I told my sister,
"one step at a time."

As I told my husband,
"you'll get better, a little at a time."

One step at a time,
a little at a time.

I did not tell them
there would be days
that would feel like the proverbial
two steps forward, one step backwards.

Oh, there will be days like that.

But just remember, always,

"taking even one more breath is a blessing."

10 comments:

  1. Love this. And you. I saved that photo to my computer when you posted it online. I have another photo saved beside it that is titled breathe. Grateful for it all tonight.

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    1. I'm glad you liked it, Hope! I love you! Hope all is going well!

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  2. Remember that quote about someone letting a crack of light into a dark room. Your hand is on the knob now. You are being door person.

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    1. Thank you, Cyn. Doors, and knobs, and cracks, and light. Good things.

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  3. I love this so much! They are lucky to have you....someone who has gone through this kind of thing. They can look at you and see that it does get better.

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  4. And it is so very much OK to lose a few hours here and there. There is only so much that our minds and bodies can cope with.

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    1. You have that right, Rach! No one can face it all head on all the time!

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