Healing and Hope

I decided to go check out the local thrift stores today. At the third one, I saw two Willow Tree angels. They were priced at $1.99 each. I grabbed both of them and finished looking around. When I went to pay, she only charged me $1.99. I guess they were having a year end clearance sale or something.

 One was the angel of healing.

 The other was the angel of hope.

I'm taking their appearance to me today as a sign of healing and hope for the new year.

Happy New Year!!

Twisted Christmas Greeting

I was taking a Leisure Learning class and I could not get own pictures off my jump drive so I had to search google for pictures. The class was focused on doing Christmas cards. This was three different images combined and it makes me smile.

Merry Christmas to all! I am off to my parents' house for fun and festivities! 

Joy

I really like the blurred exuberance of the angel in the background of this photo. I got a new lens and was trying it out on my mother's Christmas tree. 

Then I went into Photoshop and tried to add some texture to the photo. I am not entirely sure I like the results. I have not been playing around as much in Photoshop as I'd like to be doing.

I got behind on the December prompts. I haven't decided whether I am going to jump back in where they are or try to go back and catch up on what I have missed. Some of the questions are asking for more than I want to share! But they are really good things to help evaluate the coming year, and to consider for the coming year. 

Body Integration

December 12 – Body Integration This year, when did you feel the most integrated with your body? Did you have a moment where there wasn’t mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present? (Author: Patrick Reynolds)

I believe the times I have felt most integrated with my body this year were when I was exercising regularly, eating (mostly) right and engrossed in some sort of creative endeavor. For the last few months, I have not been exercising, have not been eating right and have barely been involved in any kind of creative endeavor. I can tell, my body doesn't like it when I do not treat it properly!

Wow, these prompts certainly are giving me plenty of things to think about for the coming year! 

Things I Don't Need

December 11 – 11 Things What are 11 things your life doesn’t need in 2011? How will you go about eliminating them? How will getting rid of these 11 things change your life? (Author: Sam Davidson)

First of all, let me say that I have given myself permission not to follow these prompts exactly so I only have five things! I am sure there are more but I have not thought of them yet. I will continue to think about this theme of what I don't need in 2011.

I don't need any more:

1. superfluous calories
2. grief over things that are past and can't be changed
3. self-pity
4. need no more clutter
5. heartache over son's choices/problems

Elimination process:

1. pay more attention to what I eat, recommit to my health, and life
2. stay mindful, remember that "NOW" is all I have and God's mercies are new every morning
3. focus on what I can be grateful for, help others
4. take one step at a time, work steady and persistently
5. see # 2

How will elimination change anything?:

1. I will feel better, I will literally add years to my life
2. I will have more peace
3. I be less "weighed down", self-pity is heavy
4. My whole family will feel better
5. See # 2

Wisdom

December 10 – Wisdom
Wisdom. What was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?
(Author: Susannah Conway)

All I will say is that I have done a lot of hard growing this past year and I have seen this verse played out in my life several times over:

"For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." (Ecclesiastes 1:18)

Sometimes it really is true that ignorance is bliss.

Perhaps the wisest decision I have made this year has been to keep hobbling on toward life and hope and growth in spite of the pain involved.

And that is all I am going to say about that.

(http://www.reverb10.com/)

Party Time!

Prompt: Party. What social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? Describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.
(Author: Shauna Reid)

Ha! Here I have a bit of an ethical dilemma--I'm writing very early on the 12th about an event that happened on December 11th, and I am dating the post for the 9th because that is the date for this prompt.

Social gathering rarely ever knock my socks off. It's not that I am anti-social, it's just that I don't often enjoy social gatherings. But tonight we had our annual church Christmas party and it was full of cheesy good fun: gumbo, cookie contest, talent show, magic man, hayride and bonfire. How much better could than that could it get? The gumbo was excellent, the cookies were delicious. The talent was spotty, the magic man was interesting. The hayride was cold and the bonfire was warm. My oldest daughter came and left at the end of the talent show but before they announced the winners of the cookie contest. She was disappointed because she had missed the hayride earlier. After they announced the cookie contest winners, they announced there would be another hayride. I called my daughter to tell her (she only lives about a mile up the road from the church) and my husband asked about whether she would have time to come back and ride. They said yes and she got there and we took off. When we returned we went and stood by the fire a little while to warm ourselves and then we headed home. I am assuming a fun time was had by all!

Beautifully Different

December 8 – Beautifully Different.
Think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. Reflect on all the things that make you different – you’ll find they’re what make you beautiful.
(Author: Karen Walrond)

I really am a bit eccentric. But then again, aren't we all? My dry sense of humor seems to "light people up."

I could make a bullet list of ways I am different, but I'm not really that different when you get right down to it. Then again, maybe I am!

Here are a few photos from a cemetery I visited this weekend. I think maybe my skewed perspective is one of the things that often makes me different. . .

I love the texture on this post topper.

 There was a fence around the small grave and this was on the gate. There are many beautifully different things to see in cemeteries.

These apples were on the grave of a young child. I wonder who left the apples there, and why.  This cemetery is in a rural area, near a Baptist church. There were many graves that had things left on them, little figurines and mementos for the dead. I  wonder if they put new apples every once in a while. The two on top seem to have no damage at all while the ones on the bottom have lost their lustre. I can identify with them!

This headstone has a pretty little picture at the top with the words joy and love inscribed. I try to see joy and love and I try to spread it too.

I also try to find the bright spot in gray areas. And I try to be the bright spot for other people. We never know what burdens other people are carrying.

Community

Prompt: Community. Where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? What community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?
(Author: Cali Harris)

 Another difficult (for me) prompt! I have discovered a sense of community at my church and, in some ways, at work. I also feel a sense on community with some of my blogging buddies.

I wish I could find community around here in the form of some sort of art or photography or writing group. That has proven to be a hard task.

Making Things

December 6 – Make.
What was the last thing you made? What materials did you use? Is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?
(Author: Gretchen Rubin)

I have not made anything in quite sometime.  There are some things I want to make, and yes, I need to clear some time for it. I'm quite annoyed at myself for not doing so.

On second thought, I've been making pictures. I just have not been doing much with them.

http://www.reverb10.com/ 

Letting Go

December 5 – Let Go.
What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why?
(Author: Alice Bradley)

Dang, people. This one could be a little on the personal side! There is a dream that I have fairly well let go of. I don't want to talk about that one. There is the ongoing struggle of letting go of my adult son while still loving him in spite of his problems. Don't want to air that one out here either.

I've reluctantly let go of my middle school youth group leader just a month or so ago. We connected back up on Facebook after many years of not being in touch. We chatted one night for a little while and he had somewhere he had to be so he asked for me to send him my phone number so he could call. I sent it to him and we exchanged a couple of short emails. One evening I got a call from a number I did not recognize and I thought it might be him. But I was nervous about talking to him again after so many years and it was not exactly a good time for me to talk. I let it go over to voicemail thinking he would leave a message and I would call him back after I'd heard his voice again and had gotten my courage up. He didn't leave a message.

A few days after that his grown daughter posted a note on Facebook that he had had a massive heart attack and was in the hospital. He stayed in a coma for several days and finally died. He was only 62 years old.

And now I can't call him back. And how I wished I'd just answered the damned phone.

Wonder

December 4 – Wonder.
How did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?
(Author: Jeffrey Davis)

This past year I mostly cultivated a sense of wonder by getting outside with the camera. On this particular Spring day I was in a place I consider least likely to inspire a sense of wonder - my backyard. On this day, bare branches and flowering weeds were enough to cultivate a sense of wonder for me. 

These are some of the things that I saw:

(http://www.reverb10.com/)

Most Alive

December 3 – Moment. Pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. Describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors). (Author: Ali Edwards)

I searched my journal of the past year for evidence of a moment when I felt most alive. Mostly what I found were moments of heartache and pain (note to self: take time to write about the "good" things too).

I found this place by accident as I was driving around looking for a place to take pictures. It is in a secluded area and is a peaceful place to sit and reflect. Emotionally, I was in a rough spot and needed a bit of time to myself. I've been meaning to go back and sit quietly with my journal but I just have not made the time to go again. The following comments are notes written in my journal on a cold day last February and I really did feel most alive.

I am sitting in the Chapel of the Holy Spirit in Big Lake, or Grand Lake. I get them mixed up. I've been taking pictures and my fingers are frozen. Someone called and I missed it. I am distracted by that, hoping she did not expect something from me that I do not have in me to give. And I'm worrying about what might be wrong.

I was going to sit here and pray and listen but now I am worried again and can't hear anything in me but my own voice and maybe the voice of the person who called earlier.

The chimes were silent for a moment and I heard a bird. Now both the chimes and the bird are going. The wind blows the corner of this page. A car goes by, gears shifting as he picks up speed. There is water here too. The wind ripples across the surface and the sun sparkles, points of light on the dark water. I think I heard a frog croaking just now.

(http://www.reverb10.com/)

One or Two Shortcomings

December 2 - Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

This one is a no-brainer. I complain that I have no time and yet I waste time on the internet. I get sucked into Facebook, checking email, and general unfocused web wanderings. I can't (or won't) totally eliminate internet time but I can limit and structure my time better. Will I? I don't rightly know. I'd like to. Alas, I also suffer from a severe lack of discipline.

Encapsulating 2010, Naming 2011

You know, there are all kinds of things out there to help people post regularly on their blogs, projects to do and prompts to inspire. Reverb 10 is one of those things. It happens all during the month of December. Every day there is a different prompt to write about that helps you review 2010 and look forward to 2011. I think this might be just the thing for me. I'm going to TRY to participate on a regular basis.

This is the very first prompt:

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you? (Author: Gwen Bell)

I think I have to say that my one word to encapsulate 2010 would be reversal. My son had a reversal and was going downhill at the beginning of this year. He has now experienced another reversal and seems to be getting himself back on track.

I had a reversal in dealing with the stress of his fall, and have now experience another reversal where I have had a good talk with myself about separating me from my son. It's not always an easy thing for me to do.

My oldest daughter had a reversal and went back to school for a teaching certificate so she could possibly find a real job after being in school for so long. Don't know yet how that is going to work out. The economy of course had its own reversal and as everybody knows, that has affected the job market for this latest crop of graduates.

Last year at this time, I was managing my eating habits very well and losing weight. I have since had a reversal and have gained several pounds and am not doing well at all at managing my eating habits. I'm not exercising like I should be either. I hope to reverse that trend and get back on track, but this is a horrible time of year to have to do that!

A year from now, I'd like to be able to encapsulate 2011 with the word lagniappe. It's a Cajun French word that means "a little something extra". I often feel on the edge of the pit in so many ways and sometimes I feel like there is just not "enough" for me. I'm not greedy. I don't want a lot, just a little extra space between me and the edge of the pit.

The thought occurs to me that if I will stretch myself and give a little extra effort, a little extra attention, just a little extra discipline to the problem areas of my life (and to the undeveloped areas), I will have lagniappe in my life.