(Okay, so in all honesty, I started writing this post on February 19th and then I forgot about it. Then I had surgery and forgot about it a while longer. A tiny part of me still holds out hope that my favorite pencil will be waiting for me when I return to work! Silly me!)
My favorite pencil went amiss this week. This is not it in the picture, BTW. My favorite pencil had a cushy little thing on the barrel. It was purple. Or green. I forget. Purple and green. Yeah, that's it. I'd know it anywhere. I just forget some of the details of how it looks. I've had that pencil since I started work here in July of 2008 (Lord, how did the time pass so quickly by?). It disappeared once before and stayed gone for a couple of months. During that time, my red pencil became my temporary favorite, which does not indicate any loss of loyalty to my real favorite pencil, the purple and green one. I was merely preparing myself in case the purple/green pencil never came back. I tend to develop attachments to my favorite writing materials (and other things as well). It becomes almost like a compulsion to use only my favorite pen or pencil to do my work. What can I say? Loyalty is one of my strengths. Or weaknesses. Anyway, I decided this time around I was not going to fret over this missing pencil! I went to the cabinet and got two new pencils. I grab which ever one of them is the closest when I need to write and I write.
Why am I going on and on about this missing pencil? It has to do with attachments, which, for me, has a lot to do with expectations. We get ourselves in so much trouble when we form attachments to certain expectations of how things are going to be in our lives. We get our own ideas of how things are going to happen, or how certain people are going to treat us and when it doesn't go down that way, we are disappointed and often hurt or angry. And then we tend to react to the circumstances or to the other person out of our own hurt or anger. My dad has this "tongue in cheek" thing he says--"Don't expect anything, that way you won't be disappointed." It's not really the "expecting" that gets you into trouble. It's what you do with the disappointment of that expectation not being met that can lead to trouble.
mmmm-hm. yep. yessirreebob. ~nods~
ReplyDeleteI think you make an excellent point about being attached to our expectations of/for someone else. Yep.
I think this is what people mean when they say to be happy in the moment.
ReplyDeleteThat you don't ever have real control of what is going on, so you can't be sure if HOW it will go down for you. And that you lose that time, that moment, when you are only aware of the bad things about it. And there is good happening.
Your pencil is a talisman of "the good.". No matter what, you had pencil.
Now, it's gone. But it came back before. And you coped. And you are coping now. I think you are the kind of person who will get diamonds out of dirt. I don't find you to be the " don't expect much" kind.
I know your writing is getting more of that keen edge every day. It may cut like a diamond one day.
Thanks, Rach! Managing my expectations of/for other people seems to be a recurring theme in my life. Surely I am not the only one? :)
ReplyDeleteCyn Being in the moment is so hard for me, my mind is always going with other stuff. But when I am there, in the moment, it really is such a good place to be!
Yes, the pencil was a talisman. And I have to have my talismans (talismen??)
Thank you for you encouragement!
It is hard for me to live in the moment. It is something that I struggle with.
ReplyDeleteI am talking to your pencil in my head and I am telling it to get home NOW!
POE If my pencil shows back up, it will be a miracle! I have been gone from work because of the surgery so I would not be there to greet it if it did show up. :(
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