A Sort of Familiar Road

 

How I love these red dirt roads and tall pines. But this familiar road is not the road I am writing about today. And I am not exactly writing in a straight line here. I'm going round in circles.

After about a four month hiatus, I went back to yoga and exercise class today. I’m not sure how I feel about that. I did not expect it to be such an emotional experience. There was something about being back in touch with my body through movement. We sort of hadn't been in touch for a while.

When I was exercising regularly, and eating better, I was grateful for my body, grateful I could move, grateful for how good it felt to move.

Maybe I let my body down when I “fell off the wagon” of exercise and healthier eating habits.

Yoga is all about body awareness. 

In yoga class, when I was doing extended child pose, I noticed a twinge on my right side. I remembered I’d occasionally felt that same twinge when I was doing yoga four months ago. I wonder now if my body was trying to tell me something and I was too dull to get the message.

My body has let me down. I had to go early for my regularly scheduled colonoscopy (October), and I had to have an upper scope, too, because I was anemic, or low on iron, or both. They found a tumor, on my colon, or in my colon. Somewhere. The doctor seemed shook up. He said he couldn’t find my appendix, he took lots of pictures, and he’d never seen anything like that before. We are not sure what all that meant. Maybe it’s just that the scientist part of him was excited to see something he’d never seen before. I’m hoping so.

In body sculpting class, which was brutal, because I’d not been doing any kind of exercise (well, it was always brutal, even when I was exercising regularly), I wondered why I was putting forth the effort if I am going to have to have yet another invasive surgery. I may back off from that class and pick back up with my walking instead. The walking seems to benefit me more mentally, anyway, and that’s what I think I need right now, more than anything, among other things, of course. :)

Anyway, yeah, I’m waiting for biopsy results. The doctor did say it had to come out, that part is a given.What "it" actually is, is the unknown. 

In the meantime, I am trying to surround myself with positive thoughts, and peace and calm. I’m also working very, very hard on not “researching” anything on Google. I am a firm believer in staying calm until I have a reason to panic.

I would so appreciate your prayers and positive thoughts.