This is what I started with, a photo of two heads and two rocks in a pottery bowl:
This is where I ended up:
My nephew sent me a text with this quote in it on the morning I was waiting to have my port put in.
It was a reminder to me, that I was still alive, in spite of the battle I was entering. And it continues to remind me that I am still alive. I have, at times, taken that fact for granted, and have not appreciated the life I have.
It's a strange thing, though--let the life you take for granted be threatened and see how quickly your whole attitude toward your life can change.
Suddenly, I see love in my life. I see people who care and offer their own particular brand of support and encouragement. I always knew it was there, but now there is a new appreciation for the connections and the feeling of being somehow held up by the love and kindness of others.
And from somewhere, there comes a new motivation to live better and healthier, and to take care of things in my life that have been too long neglected.
I'm writing this post now on my laptop while sitting up in my bed and looking out on a bedroom that is closer to being a sanctuary than it has been in years. A shelf in the closet has been fixed and clothes that were once stacked all around the room are now hanging in the closet. Clutter is gone, bags of clothing that was too large have been brought to the goodwill store, furniture has been dusted, there is a new coverlet on the bed, and there is a new to me love seat on the side wall that is ready for sitting.
This was one of the things I wanted to do in the new year. There is still work to be done, but there has been a lot of progress made, and for that, I am grateful.
In writing that about there still being work to be done, I recognize a habit that needs to be broken. I have a strong tendency to look at what all I have not done, or how what I have done is not perfect (and in this case, not exactly pristine designer home quality improvement) and to bemoan that "failure," while forgetting all about appreciating (and celebrating) the progress I have made.
(Note to self: Notice and appreciate your progress first, then decide what else you want to do, or decide you have done all you really wanted to do. Stop making the undone things in your life out to be failures.)
It's weird. I'm in the middle of a major storm in my life and yet I feel more alive than I have felt in a very long time.
Those doll heads are fantastic. As is the quote. I think we often have the tendency to bemoan the undone rather than appreciating progress. This is a good reminder and I am so glad you are feeling more alive. Really.
ReplyDeleteAlthough, I imagine your aliveness is due to the superpowers you have unwittingly received through your current treatment. I mean, if Peter Parker can get all spidery from being bitten by a radioactive insect, just imagine what sort of new powers your chemicals are giving you!!
I am reminded about the reason why it seems time slows down when there is a major eruption in life. We discard so many things that are in our field of view. If we actively heard everything and saw everything, we'd be bombarded by input. So our minds weed out nearly everything.
ReplyDeleteWhen something potentially threatening happens, our mind puts everything into view. The mind can't afford not to notice every little thing as we trip on the sidewalk - the angle of the street to foot, the patch of grass nearby - so we can fall safer.
You are noticing it all. I hope your mind weeds out the information and that God puts a fluffy pillow under you.
I love this and you so much. I am so glad that you are feeling alive! I am also glad you are breaking the habit of only seeing what is not done. In seeing progress, you let the positive energy in. Positive energy heals.
ReplyDeletePerspective. When there is an emergency, danger, a threat, we suddenly know what is important and what we must save. In this case, it is yourveryownself. You can release the things that do not serve you and make room for serenity, for calm, for healing, and for you.
ReplyDeleteA'course Spooky has a point, too. Could be a dollop of adamantium in that bag-o-stuff...
<3
I 'get' that feeling more alive bit.
ReplyDeleteI'm hearing "life", "gratitude", and His presence in the mixture. I love it that you, in a sense, are "erecting altars" like this even as the Israelite did along the way, marking their journey with piles of stone! Only two small ones required for yours. It works for me.....
ReplyDeleteThat is a sweet nephew you've got there. I think you've stumbled onto something there, annie. The seeing-only-failure attitude seems like loading heavy weights on our backs while focusing on gratitude for what is accomplished seems like an energy giver. I'm happy for you that you've gained a sanctuary.
ReplyDeleteLate to the party...but I love this post, in so many ways. The photos - the repositioning of the pieces and the softness of the lighting. The way we see, because you gave us a chance to see.
ReplyDeleteAnd your words - the hope and the strength and the truth you proclaim. Sometimes it's enough to simply state what "is"; and to be okay with that.
Love you.