Reflections

It's been a while. Unprecedented times continue.

My father died in August of 2020. I'll have more to write about that at another time.

In May of 2021, a flood of biblical proportions flooded our home (and many others). We moved in with my mother on May 18, 2021, and remain here to this day. I'll have more to write about that, too. 

We had no flood insurance (we do now). We have managed to rebuild but it has been a long and slow haul. We still aren't done, but there is hope we may be able to begin moving back in toward the end of next week. I'll also have more to write about that. 

The thing that brings me here tonight is the fact that I don't think I've managed my life well for the last 7 months. I haven't been able to journal much. I haven't been able to do any of my creative endeavors. I haven't kept up with my walking. I haven't eaten as well as I could have. 

I have no real excuse. It's just the way it was. I coped as well as I could under the circumstances. Looking back, I am a little disappointed in myself. I could have been more mindful and aware. Instead, I shut down. 

Gratitude became difficult. What I saw was someone who couldn't seem to deal with not having her way (not being able to be in my own home). Someone who made it through the death of her son and three different bouts of cancer—and yet couldn't deal gracefully with being displaced from her home.

I'm grateful we were able to stay with my mom, grateful that she is happy to have us (and now I worry, because she will have to learn to live alone again after we are gone). 

December of 2020 was the ten year anniversary of my son's death. With the relaxing of Covid protocols, the student art show was held this year (cancelled last year). I bought two last pieces of pottery for my "grief collection." I'll still shop the student art show, and will probably buy more pottery. I just felt it was time to declare the "grief collection" complete. 

 

I hope to come here more often in 2022. I'm not sure what my creative life will look like when I finally get settled back into my house. There will be changes. Perhaps they will be changes I can be grateful for, in spite of the cost it took to get to them.

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