Is Anybody Still Out There??

It's been a while, I know. It's just that I don't feel like I have much worth writing about. And I have been looking at some of your blogs and know I have missed so much. It's hard to think about trying to catch up. I probably won't catch up, to tell you the truth.

My father had a mild heart attack on April 1st. There was little to no damage to his heart. We are very grateful for that. He did have to have three stints put in and is now doing very well.

I've lost a total of 18 pounds and dropped a size or two since I've started having to watch what I eat. I did blood work last week and those numbers were good too. The diabetes is now in what is considered the "well-managed" category. With a little more effort and attention, I can possibly get my numbers down to where it is considered in remission. I have not yet started an exercise program. That would probably jump start things a little more. I do walk nearly every day across campus to get the mail and run other errands, so I am not sitting all day long! I need to get out and buy myself some new pants at least. Mine are starting to get pretty droopy!

There are some serious budget cuts coming at work but I think my job is still fairly safe. Our department is lucky in that we have grant money that can't be cut.

I have not done any photography lately, or worked on any of my artsy-fartsy things. I don't know what's up with that.

Recent Reading

"Terrible defects"? Or "doorways through which the power of grace can enter our lives"?

"First, although God calls us all toward more perfect life, we cannot personally achieve the state of perfection. We can and should do our very best to move in that direction, struggling with every resource we have, but we must also accept the reality of our incompleteness. Second, we need to recognize that the incompleteness within us, our personal insufficiency, does not make us unacceptable in God's eyes. Far from it; our incompleteness is the empty side of our longing for God and for love. It is what draws us toward God and one another. If we do not fill our minds with guilt and self-recriminations, we will recognize our incompleteness as a kind of spaciousness into which we can welcome the flow of grace. We can think of our inadequacies as terrible defects, if we want, and hate ourselves. But we can also think of them affirmatively, as doorways through which the power of grace can enter our lives. Then we may begin to appreciate our inherent, God-given lovableness."

Gerald May--Addiction and Grace

More to come...

Three Things

Facebook is okay, but I still like blogging better, when I have something to write about.

I started working in Photoshop on an old photo my sister gave me and I don't quite know yet what I am going to do with it. But I had a chance to look through the Somerset Apprentice magazine today and work and I am somewhat inspired so I imagine something will come of my efforts.

One of our students will not be returning to school after the Mardi Gras holiday. She died as a result of an accident on the parade route in one of the smaller towns around here. Such a tragic accident.

I Had an Excellent Title for this Post

But I forgot it!

I am feeling much better. I still have a bit of a dry cough and a squeak to my voice, but I imagine I will live!

I joined Facebook, and have been playing around over there the last couple of days. Some of you know that already, but if you don't know it, and are on Facebook yourself and want to be my friend, let me know, and we'll become friends! I joined under my real name so you might need to contact me for that information. I debated whether to do it that way, because I am mixing some of my real life people with some of my cyber-peeps and sometimes that can be a bit scary. For now, I am keeping my blog away from Facebook, for several reasons. I'm not quite ready to come out of the blogging closet! Just today, one of the professors said said something about something on her Facebook page, and told me "We need to get you on here, it would be fun." I don't know yet about my fellow employees seeing my Facebook page (and I am sure I don't want them seeing my blog). But I imagine it will happen before too long (seeing me on Facebook). And I will deal with it then. I'm just funny about stuff, pretty much a private person. And I have thought about what a paradox it is to call myself a private person when I have been writing this blog all these years. I'm not sure what that says about me. I'll have to think about that.

Now I need to get caught up with my blogging. I know some of you have written a ton of stuff that I have missed!

I'll be around...

Feeling Blah

First of all, thanks for all your encouraging comments on my last post. I am doing better with the eating, not so much with the walking. But hopefully, I will soon start that too. I have been sick for a little over a week with some kind of hacking crud. I worked all week, but that is about all I did. I am feeling somewhat better now, but still sound like a squeaky-voiced something-or-other when I talk!

I keep thinking of things I want to write about and then not writing anything. I don't know what is up with me. Anyway, at the very least, I am still alive and hope to get caught up on my blog reading and commenting soon (again!).

Gratitude. And Resistance.

I've been wrestling with some things. One of those things has been this diagnosis of diabetes. I have not yet decided whether I want to say that "I am a diabetic" or "I have diabetes." It seems silly, but there is a difference in my mind. I am overweight, and there is a bit of shame in admitting diabetes, no matter how I express it, as though I might have brought this on myself, but I do know skinny people with the disease. The other thing is, when the news is fairly public, people have all kinds of ideas about what you should and should not be doing and sometimes those ideas are not exactly accurate. But, at any rate, the only true shame would come in me receiving this diagnosis and not doing anything to help myself.

The (still weird) doctor has increased my medication. I have been to one part of the education presentation. I am trying to be mindful of what I eat. I have not yet taken a walk or done any sort of real exercise. I have been irritated at having to check my blood sugar every morning (oh I know, that is indeed whiny, things could be so much worse) and I have been irritated to find my numbers are still a little too high, in spite of my (sometimes) sacrificial eating habits and regularly taking my medicine. That almost makes me want to go out and eat one of those tubs of ready-made sour cream chocolate cake frosting, just for spite (hey, I never claimed to be perfect!). But I know that would be counter-productive. So far, I have resisted the temptation. Exercise is what is needed. Exercise is what I have been resisting.

You might be wondering what brought this little tirade on. It is that I am slowly gaining a new perspective and appreciation for this diagnosis. I often see things in a skewed sort of way, and I am beginning to see diabetes as a bit of a gift to me. I seem to need boundaries (we all need boundaries) and having to eat mindfully and in a disciplined manner (about the same amount of carbs each day, about the same time each day) is slowly starting to shape me into a healthier lifestyle. I need to be reigned in. Otherwise, I would continue to eat whatever I want, and however much I want, and Lord knows it would all have caught up with me eventually, so at least I am getting an early start before too much damage is done. For that, I am grateful. It does not mean I am happy about the limits. I am not. But I am grateful for the opportunity the limits present.

And I really need to adjust my attitude and get up off my duff and at least take a little thirty minute walk every day. The funny thing is, I see the habit of walking as a time for prayer, for meditation, as an all-around calming and positive habit. The benefits would far outweigh the “pain” and inconvenience of the effort it would take to walk. Sheesh. I know I need to do it. And one day soon, I will.

There are other things on my mind as well. Who knows, this place might become a confessional of sorts for a short time. We shall see.

A Moving Experience

An amazing video followed by a thought-provoking quote, something to ponder as we welcome the New Year....

"Night is drawing nigh. How long the road is. But, for all the time the journey has already taken, how you have needed every second of it." --Dag Hammarskjold