Tuesday, September 22, 2015


 Today, he would have been 28.

While doing some cleaning and reorganizing
I found a couple of his long-sleeved t-shirts
and held them to my face,
searching for his scent.
It was not there.
And I came across a pair of plaid shorts,
plaid like a country kitchen table cloth.
I smiled and took them from the drawer
to hang in my closet,
a tangible reminder of my grief
and life too soon gone.

Today, I'd get myself to the store
and I'd buy the cheesecake and the Pepsi
(as I did on that day).

Today, I wear my invisible badge
of grief,
invisible in that
it's not a badge everyone can see-
it is a badge that some do not want to see.
But for all who do see,
for those who speak words of kindness over me,
and sit with me,
even after all this time,
I am ever grateful.

For you who do not have to wear
this badge,
who have not been thrown unwillingly and with no gentleness
into this rough club,
whose sons and daughters still walk this earth,
I exhort you to
savor their days.
Do not take lightly the privilege of witnessing the unfolding
 of their lives,
 for there are no guarantees,
even to the young.

Wednesday, September 02, 2015

Dear September

Okay, September, you know what you gotta do. Bring on the wow. Just don't let it be the kind of wow that has to say, "Wow, can you believe she fell flat on her face like that and skint the hide plumb off her nose, and then it got infected and now it looks like she's wearing a clown nose!" Not that kind of wow.

I bought a pair of (blah) Docker's khaki pants at the Goodwill store and this was printed on the waistband of the pants. Every time I went to potty I giggled at the message on the waistband of my pants! I'm not great at hand lettering but there is something very meditative about doing it and I wanted to remember this admonishment, so I played.

The pants were in great shape, and only cost fifty cents so that was a bit of "wow" right there. I always feel so smug when I can get a great bargain.

I'll be going back to see the liver specialist this month to check on my fatty liver situation (fatty liver is real, and can be serious, but I feel so guilty calling my liver fatty!). One "wow" I'd like to hear is my doctor saying, "Wow, your liver looks great, go on home and keep doing what you're doing!"

I have some more pictures I hope to post sometime soon.