Monday, May 30, 2005

Living in the Present

My son is staying with his grandfather, working with him six days a week, crabbing. Another effort to keep him out of trouble. He is staying in an old hunting camp, certainly not luxury accommodations, but the scenery is beautiful.

There is a pond with a dock where he goes in the evenings to throw out fish food. Most of the fish are still kind of tiny, although we saw an ugly old gar fish that was a good size. The water was too dark to get a good picture of him.

Tonight he called from the dock and said he was playing around with the alligators, said he was going to jump in the water and try to pull this four foot gator out of the water. I said "Oh my gosh, son, don't do that. That water is too dirty."

No, I told him he'd better stay on the dock, that little gator might have a mama underneath there, looking out for her baby.

This bird was wedged up in the tree. He is dead. I wonder what happened that he died like that.

I left my camera for my son and father-in-law to take pictures. My son told me he got a picture of the alligator and of a crab the size of a dinner plate, the largest one he has seen so far. When we get the pictures developed I will post them.

It's hard work, they get started around five in the morning. As my son says, with a trace of irony in his voice, when it gets dark, that means it's time for bed. Not much time or energy left for getting into trouble.

My father-in-law is a retired school teacher/coach and a full-blooded Cajun. He and my son have never been really close in a traditional sense, but there has always been an odd bond between the two of them. Hopefully this time spent together will be good for my son.

Tomorrow they will probably cast for shrimp and fry some up for supper. What a life!

He's not out of the woods yet, (are any of us ever really out of the woods?) but he is in a clear spot and this mama is learning to live in the present, looking neither too far ahead nor too far back.

Saturday, May 28, 2005

The Eyes Have It

Connie, over at Dawsonwood, wrote today of lighting a 2000 year old lamp. I started thinking about light, how it sometimes comes and goes in our lives.

Friday morning, at my local grocery store, the manager was helping the cashier by bagging the groceries when he looked up at someone behind me and his face lit up and he said “well hey, boo, what you doin’ here?” And a voice answers, “buying diapers”. Then the manager hurriedly shoves the last item in my bag and practically runs in the direction of the voice from behind me, saying “hey, wait a minute, give her to me”. It did not take eyes in the back of my head for me to know the voice was holding the man’s granddaughter. I thought to myself, “self, there is sunshine everywhere you go, if you will just open your eyes and pay attention.”

I have seen the glow of this lamp, have felt its laser sharpness piercing my soul, boring through judgmental and sanctimonious parts of me. I have seen that light shine like a diamond, a small pinprick of brilliance bringing me hope when I thought all was darkness. I have basked in the full out brilliance of this light, squinted my eyes in the face of it, and I have bathed myself in its warmth.

This morning (again), I decided that every day, I will look for the light in that day, because always, ALWAYS, there is something to be grateful for, something to smile about. I have been looking too long at the empty half of the glass. I will look, and see, and appreciate the full half of the glass. Yes, I will.

Saturday, May 21, 2005

Playing Again

Altered collages from my journal...

I have a non-blogging friend I am trying to reconnect with, a full and busy life is the barrier, and I understand, but I grieve the loss none the less.

I want so badly to feel connected to others, and yet I keep a very wide protective space around myself.

Is a picture really worth a thousand words? Not in my book! However, words fail me right now, and so I resort to using pictures in an effort to keep my fragile blogdom connections intact.

I have been quietly reading your blogs, thanks to It's just that I am still trying to get myself adjusted to the loss of the 40 hours a week I now spend at work. I'll get my "sea legs" eventually!

Friday, May 13, 2005


I got a job, BTW. It started out being part-time, then moved to full-time. That and family issues have kept me away from the computer.

I read May Sarton's Plant Dreaming Deep, and when I saw the old fashioned pocket with the signature page was loose, I could not resist pulling it completely off the book.

I drew the three women and did a little watercolor number on them.

My Photoshop skills leave a little to be desired.