Friday, August 12, 2011

Fictional Shopping Trip

Okay, so this is not the kind of writing I usually do here. This is in response to a prompt that has us sending our character out shopping so we can learn a little more about them. This is nowhere near fully developed and it's really kind of silly. But here it is.

When she first heard the news, Lydia went out and bought Diane one of those pretty atomizer bottles of lilac scented whoop-ass. Nah, it wasn’t really gonna do a dad-burn thing. It was more along the lines of that “Monster Spray” they used to sell for kids to spray up under their beds and in their closets to keep the monsters at bay.  It didn’t have any magic ingredients, at least not any Lydia knew of, only purified water, a little lilac oil scent and a whole lotta hope. Lord knows, she was going to need something to give herself a little backbone. 

As long as she was already in the store, she went ahead and picked up a bag of “Believe in Yourself” lavender bath salts. She figured that would come in handy ‘bout bedtime when the doubts started circling and sleep appeared to have run screaming for the woods. Diane never did care for being alone come night time. She figured the lavender scent would help her sleep. Well, that and the several many bottles of muscadine wine she’d picked up last week on a side trip to Mississippi, strictly for medicinal purposes, you understand. 

And for purely aesthetical reasons, she stopped off at the Golden Dirt Garden Center and picked up three red geraniums potted in terra cotta pots. They would look right nice sitting there at the edge of the porch. One thing Diane had been adamant about bringing with her was the rocking chair. She could sit there in the mornings and sip her coffee and watch the geraniums grow.
She knew there’d be plenty of other practical needs along the way and she figured there’d be time enough to worry about those other things tomorrow. 

It was such a cute little place, Lydia was almost jealous.


  1. Oh My God Diane, you have totally outdone yourself.
    this is the best daggum thing ever..... I LOVE IT!!! This is so good...... oh be still my heart..... I can so see you in this.... I can.

  2. Can I come sit on the porch? I can hear the strong voice in the piece. Whoopass.

  3. Loooove the last line. As well as the rest of it! Lavender scented whoopass cracked me up!!!


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