I often question myself as to why I spend so much of my time documenting my life in my journal, my calendar, my blog, and even in my “thangs” I create.
I have no formal degree, no earned title of importance. I don’t even have the capability to fully support myself I needed to. I have no credible way of proving my worth.
Too many times, I use that “lack” to beat myself up and I struggle with feelings of worthlessness.
This weekend I’ve spent some time going through my journal entries and writing a one or two word summary of each one. Looking through those words, I see there really is far more light than there is darkness.
This kind of documentation, which gives me a quick glance at the overall status of my life by capturing one or two word snippets of what I am writing about is extremely valuable to me. When I am lost in the darkness, which happens far more than I’d like to admit, when my mind tells me there is no hope and that I am a worthless piece of humanity, I can look back at my own documentation of my life and I can see the balance (and the tension) of both darkness and light in my life. I am forgetful and I need the reminders.help keep me from getting totally lost in the darkness.
These journal entries, these blog posts, the thangs, they are all also notes to/for my future self. I so often imagine such a bleak future for myself. If my future turns out better than expected, these notes will offer a bit of joy over how far I have come. If it were to all downhill, as I often expect, these notes might offer confirmation of how far I have come and encouragement to continue on the journey.