Today I noticed a discomfort I could not hold for very long and I backed away.
I
was helping proctor an exam. In that room was the aunt of a 13 month
old infant who was thrown across the room by the 24 YO boyfriend of the
baby's mother, "out of frustration." The baby suffered a skull fracture
and the boyfriend just put the baby back in the crib, telling no one
what had he had done. The baby died yesterday after being taken off of
life support.
I thought about this as I walked around the room watching for
signs of cheating. Following Buddhist tradition, I began the practice of
breathing in the grief I imagine that family was suffering around the
loss of this precious life. I thought about all the hopes and dreams the
mother must have had for her child and how none of that will happen
now. I thought of the ache in that mother's heart, the emptiness that
she will carry. The second part of this exercise is to breath out
whatever you think this mother and her family might need (for me this becomes a form of prayer). Comfort and
peace were two of the things I thought of. There are so very few words
you can say to someone in a situation like this. But my imagination of
their suffering was too vivid and my eyes welled up with tears and I had
to back away from my thoughts. I could not hold that pain.
Lately I've noticed there is much suffering in the world.
Another thing I've noticed today is that one doesn't always get to choose what one notices.
dammit.....you always make me cry. I work hard at not crying and then there you go and do that...that...thing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for doing that.
I'm so sorry, Mindy. I can't help it. Besides, sometimes it's good to have a cry. I worked hard for a lot of years at never crying. That's not good!
DeleteOh, you're welcome! Glad to be of service!
ah.
ReplyDeletethis helps me so much in what i noticed today.
thank you.
you are blessed. and a blessing.
Thanks, Beth. Funny how our first "noticing" was uncomfortable. I'm so glad you started this process in me. I figure if I do this consistently, I will be properly prepared to 30 days of thanksgiving in November.
DeleteWow. I am a little speechless, as this too hits close to home for me. I commented to myself today, after I saw but hadn't read your other post (I noticed it) that perhaps it would be a good exercise for me as well.
ReplyDeleteI think it says something that you noticed this woman and the compassion you felt for her as well. As Beth said, that is a blessing.
You should try and do it, Lori! It would be fun!
DeleteFor me, in reading your report, the whole story speaks to that which is within me and, without all the details, I'm left also with concern for the young man who committed the act. Drugs? Mental anguish? What could have triggered such anger? HIs life, too, is now scarred with an event that cannot be undone. We are a people in need of Him.
ReplyDeleteI too was concerned over the "whys" as to the young man's actions. I think he was frustrated with the baby crying and didn't know what to do, and his frustrated anger cost the baby's life, and in many ways, his own life, and the ripples of pain now extend through both families.
DeleteI had not heard of that particular Buddhist idea, but I like it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteI think it's a good idea! Glad to see you here!
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