Tuesday, October 01, 2013

Noticing Suffering

 
Today I noticed a discomfort I could not hold for very long and I backed away.
I was helping proctor an exam. In that room was the aunt of a 13 month old infant who was thrown across the room by the 24 YO boyfriend of the baby's mother, "out of frustration." The baby suffered a skull fracture and the boyfriend just put the baby back in the crib, telling no one what had he had done. The baby died yesterday after being taken off of life support. 
 
I thought about this as I walked around the room watching for signs of cheating. Following Buddhist tradition, I began the practice of breathing in the grief I imagine that family was suffering around the loss of this precious life. I thought about all the hopes and dreams the mother must have had for her child and how none of that will happen now. I thought of the ache in that mother's heart, the emptiness that she will carry. The second part of this exercise is to breath out whatever you think this mother and her family might need (for me this becomes a form of prayer). Comfort and peace were two of the things I thought of. There are so very few words you can say to someone in a situation like this. But my imagination of their suffering was too vivid and my eyes welled up with tears and I had to back away from my thoughts. I could not hold that pain. 
 
Lately I've noticed there is much suffering in the world. 
 
Another thing I've noticed today is that one doesn't always get to choose what one notices. 

10 comments:

  1. dammit.....you always make me cry. I work hard at not crying and then there you go and do that...that...thing.

    Thank you for doing that.

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    1. I'm so sorry, Mindy. I can't help it. Besides, sometimes it's good to have a cry. I worked hard for a lot of years at never crying. That's not good!

      Oh, you're welcome! Glad to be of service!

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  2. ah.
    this helps me so much in what i noticed today.
    thank you.

    you are blessed. and a blessing.

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    1. Thanks, Beth. Funny how our first "noticing" was uncomfortable. I'm so glad you started this process in me. I figure if I do this consistently, I will be properly prepared to 30 days of thanksgiving in November.

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  3. Wow. I am a little speechless, as this too hits close to home for me. I commented to myself today, after I saw but hadn't read your other post (I noticed it) that perhaps it would be a good exercise for me as well.
    I think it says something that you noticed this woman and the compassion you felt for her as well. As Beth said, that is a blessing.

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    1. You should try and do it, Lori! It would be fun!

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  4. For me, in reading your report, the whole story speaks to that which is within me and, without all the details, I'm left also with concern for the young man who committed the act. Drugs? Mental anguish? What could have triggered such anger? HIs life, too, is now scarred with an event that cannot be undone. We are a people in need of Him.

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    1. I too was concerned over the "whys" as to the young man's actions. I think he was frustrated with the baby crying and didn't know what to do, and his frustrated anger cost the baby's life, and in many ways, his own life, and the ripples of pain now extend through both families.

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  5. I had not heard of that particular Buddhist idea, but I like it. Thank you for sharing your thoughts.

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    1. I think it's a good idea! Glad to see you here!

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Don't just sit there staring, say something!