Saturday, July 01, 2006
Random Ramblings From A Reptilian Brain
My son is home! It's a bit of an awkward transition, which I suppose is normal. It's like none of us knows what to do with each other.
On other subjects, Regina Clare Jane of I Still See A Spark In You told about why she named her blog that, and tagged me to answer where I got my blog name. So, Regina Clare Jane (I love using all three of her names!), here is the story:
When I started the blog, I felt like I was coming out of a fog of sorts in my life, and I had been doing some personal growing. I felt like that was exactly what was happening, that new life was rising. I always wished I could have come up with a more clever and unusual and unique name, but that what was I came up with at the time. Now? I might call it something like Lessons From the Dung Heap! In all actuality though, that is the same thing isn't it? New life often rises from the Dung Heap, doesn't it?
Also, when I started this blog, I thought it would be a creative outlet for me. I never imagined, or planned, to reveal such personal things as my struggles with my son. I never imagined, or planned, that so much of my spiritual side would emerge on this blog. I honestly intended to keep things neat and pretty (and light), with no hint of the pains that growl in the background. I never, ever wanted to come off as whiny (and I hope I haven't). The thing I am slowly learning is that we all have some kind of pain that growls in our background. We all have our problems. Life ain't always easy, brothers and sisters.
Of course, the thing is, if one is honest, and says, out loud, "I've got this pain growling back here, and it hurts", there is usually someone who will reach out and offer comfort in whatever way they know how. And there are others who will say, "I have been there too, and this is what helped me...." Or there will be one who says, "I am just beginning to hear that growl, what am I going to do?" and you can offer them a steadying hand.
And I am grateful that so many of you have reached out to me. I greatly appreciate the thoughts, the encouragement and the prayers.
And another thing-- There is a blog on my sideroll that I do not know if many of you have checked out. It's called Maced With Grace. I want to point you in the specific direction of one of her posts, but I would also like to encourage you to look around her site and see what other nuggets of brightness you can find. Jules has been on a journey for the last year or so and I have really enjoyed reading about it. She writes in such a joyful and exhuberant style. Often, her stories will just reach out and smack me between the eyes. And often, I never even see it coming! Go check this one out, What Love Was, and if you have time check out one in a few posts before this one, called Monologue (I believe).
And, speaking of getting smacked between the eyes, this one also did it for me: Teacher/Treasure, a post that speaks of loss in many layers. It reminds me of this quote, in reverse--
The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt. Frederick Buechner
The decision to let this woman go was a budgetary decision. It affects her personally, and it affects the people she has worked with for so many years. But, because of her "touch" on the lives of all these "others", the loss also extends way beyond the personal level that Mindy writes about.
Who knows how many prospective students will be affected by the "trembling" that has been stopped by whatever budget committee made this decision to close up this one teacher's shop?
And yes, I am a realist, the money can't be there to help every single need, especially in cases where the odds are probably so far against these kinds of programs being successful. But still, being the mother of a son who could desperately benefit from the help of such a teacher, my heart mourns the loss for all those who will now not know the touch of this "kind and gentle" teacher.
Somehow, I do not believe this will stop her from touching others. Teacher, I pray that those around you will touch you as you seek to regroup and prepare for the next phase in your journey. Blessings on you as you step off the path that was previously known to you.