Words

I wrote words similar to the ones on the list below to a therapist friend and he mirrored back to me what I said, only in a calmer and more succinct manner. I received this list as a gift and they are a helpful reminder to me when I am sore afraid and tempted to panic about the choice my son has made, which is nearly 'bout all the time. I am trying hard to lose the fear.

--I can't control everything I care about. That just is.

--I can handle it if everything doesn't turn out the way I wish--even if in some ways that's terrible.

--I'm neither a bad person or a failure if I don't fix it.

--I do care, and I've demonstrated that. That doesn't mean I have to fix everything. And if I don't fix everything, it doesn't mean I don't care.

--I'm not the only one who has the ability to fix things, or the responsibility to fix things. That doesn't mean I can't do, and haven't done, some pretty wonderful fixing at times in my life.

--And I'm not about to become the first adult who can control the behavior of another adult. Nobody else can do that, and it's fruitless to expect myself to do it . . . no matter how comforting it would be in some ways.

--It hurts. But it won't hurt to the same degree forever, and sometimes my only job is to endure the pain, and outlast it, and find healing.

I'm having a hard time dealing with this. Posting may be scarce for a while. I may take a break.