Sunday, February 04, 2007

Unbalanced & Slightly Out of Focus

This week we were discussing the office Super Bowl pool and I said I was not going to participate because it was too complicated for me to figure out if I won. One of the guys said in an exasperated tone “It’s just numbers, you work with them all day.” My “little boss” (the 25 year old son who is the shop manager) looks at him and says. “Yeah, tell me about it. That’s scary.” I am not a numbers person. What I do all day long is tedious work, which requires attention to detail. I am not a detail person.

I work with “Type A” people who multi-task like crazy and are move like little whirling dervishes all day long. I am a “Type B” personality who does not like to be interrupted from the task at hand and could most likely spend the day doing nothing more than watching the grass grow if I thought I could get away with it. Details are not that important to me.

I rarely see or talk to any customers. I mostly stay in the office with my coworker. I like being around people and miss the opportunity my old job provided in seeing a variety of people.

But this is where I landed two years ago when I started my search for a job after my old one ended when my former bosses shut the doors on their business and retired. It has it advantages—one important advantage is that I am off on weekends and will be able to visit my son each weekend when he is granted the privilege of having visitors in March. But it is also very stressful simply because the job is not a good fit for me.

I’ve been visiting a large church in our area for over a year now. It’s a place where nobody knows my name, and for a long while, I liked it that way. I don’t have a place there yet—a small group where I fit in and can interact on a more personal level with other believers. That is more my fault than the church’s fault.

It seems things are settling down a bit in my life and I am seeing areas where my life is out of balance and I have some work to do. The Royal Caribbean Cruise Lines tag line is “Get out there”. I think that might be this year’s theme for me, to “get out there” and quit hiding and settling. For me, that means a little less thinking and a little more doing.

I regret that I dropped school before I finished and I have hopes of one day going back to complete what I started there, “if God is willing and the creek don’t rise”, as the country people say. But even if I do not go back to pursue formal education, there are still plenty of opportunities to learn and do around me. I plan to take a Leisure Learning class on Photography in March. That is one way of getting out there.

I plan on looking around for a church home. If not this big giant church, then possibly a smaller church, maybe even a different denomination. It’s hard when you feel like you do not fit in your church anymore. I have said I often feel like a square peg being squeezed into a round hole. Maybe God is calling me to be a minister of square pegs being squeezed into round holes! I am searching for direction. And I am searching for a place to serve.

I am looking at jobs again. I am also considering the possibility of a home-based business, which I am not yet ready to write about.

So these are the things that have been on my mind lately. Maybe I'd have myself a little more together in this stage of the game had I only paid a little more attention to the details. Thank God His mercies are new every morning. I'm pretty sure I use my day's allotment every day.


  1. Speaking as someone who obsesses with detail, you aren't missing that much. I think everything you said sounds great, probably because I feel much the same. It is hard to just "get out there" sometimes, when you aren't quite sure where "there" is. Then again, maybe it's more scenic, traveling without a map.

  2. dad burn it, every time I try to post a comment on your blog, I have to enter the wv twice, can I be that dyslexic?

  3. hey, I noticed you changed your profile, I like that verse. and let me add an "amen" to it!!

  4. "Used up the day's allotment..."

    I LOVE that line! I feel like that so many days! Thank God He is so overflowing with mercy and grace.

    I like the new profile as well. Good choice!

  5. It's nice to be in a good place, looking forward. Sounds like you're quite aware of the grace that surrounds you and are able to look beyond where you are to where you might soon be.

    Prayers for you today...

  6. Please get involved with a church, Annie. You have so much to offer fellow Christians.

  7. Ayekah One thing I know: it is not our fault that we have to enter those wv things twice. If I were not afraid I'd get ten jillion spam comments, I would eliminate the wv thing. (Remind me sometime to tell you how I have been pronouncing Ayekah in my head...)

    Jules Yes, thank God for mercy and grace. Glad you liked the verse. It is something I have been pondering, the need to be grateful in good and "bad" times.

    Beth Thanks. I am aware of the grace, but sometimes it is hard for me to believe it in my heart.

    David I know I need to get more involved, but in order to be able to offer anything to anyone else, I'd have to take my eyes off of me (and my shortcomings) and look toward the Lord more than I am doing right now.

    PS Ayekah I had to try twice before I could post this comment TO MY OWN BLOG! Sheesh.

  8. I am not a detail person either, Annie. We can be sloppy together, huh?

    Glad you are still looking for ways to learn. I bet you could freakin' teach a class on photography yourself!

    Also hope the church search works out for you. You don't have to change to be ready for church, just be willing to peek out from behind the hymnal a little.

  9. Rach, I could not teach the class because the numeric details (aperure and lens sizes) still befuddle me! I am hoping to get those details nailed down in my leisure learning class!

    As for church, I am already out from hehind the hymnal--they use those big screens to sing off of! Call me old-fashioned, but I miss the hymnals (and the hymns!).


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