On the Threshold Again

I was so giddy with relief when the oncologist declared that I had stage 1 colon cancer (rather than stage 2, or worse) and that I would need no further treatment (other than to get regular colonoscopies!). The odds are good that it won’t return. Staying away from high fat foods will help and I am working on that.

But there are times lately when I think “Man, I really want to make it past that 5 year mark.” I’m calculating that in my head right now. When will that be? November of 2016. It seems so far away! Most of the time, I am shocked to hear someone refer to my “life-threatening illness.” I just never have spent much time thinking of it in that way.

I’m relatively healthy. I didn’t have to endure any extra treatment. The surgery is almost four months behind me. It is easy for me to forget and think that I have all the time (and good health) in the world. But the thing is-none of us do. We are all mortal beings.

And now I am left wondering about how I should live with this thing (that I have had cancer). I am most assuredly not going to live in fear of it coming back. No, if it comes back, I will trust that I will have what I need and I will make it through. I don’t want to live with a morbid sense of my own mortality but I do believe I have been given both a sort of wake-up call and a gift. I want to wake up and pay attention.

I’d like to live with more intention than I have been living. Things are changing in my head. You don’t go through storms like these without being changed. I’m “on the threshold again” and new life will rise once more through this stony ground. It’s true-my story is not yet over.