Thursday, March 08, 2012

Three Months and Counting

Cardiac arrhythmia due to cardiac hypertrophy was the official cause of death. 

Today makes three months.

How I wish I could get him some Pepsi and a cheesecake!

Love you too, son.

Oh, yes, I know. I posted a picture of the "I love you" note already. I've found grief makes you repeat a lot of things and sometimes causes you to tell the same stories over and over. There will be no new stories. I have to treasure the ones I have. Twenty-four years, that's all we had. Such a short time. But I am grateful.

I go into his room and stand for a few moments just to breathe in the scent of him. We all do that. I am afraid we are going to breathe it all in and soon there will be no more smells of him.

I have his phone on my nightstand and sometimes I pick it up and look at it as though it is some sort of teleporter gadget that is capable of bringing him back to me.

I dream of him and hear his voice and it sounds so real and clear that I wake up filled with yearning.

I just want to remember every single bit of him. 


  1. I want you to be able to do that. Three months must seem like a life time sweetie.

    I hope that the smell never goes away.

  2. I also meant to say that I love the notes. Post them as much as you want.

  3. I hurt for you. It's just wonderful to celebrate him and mark the loss of him any way you want. I am honored to be a part of the remembering.

  4. Ah, my heart hurts. Your sorrow is so heavy.

    I pray that sharing it helps lessen the burden somehow. I suppose you will never not miss him. I pray the gratitude sustains you through the next moment, and the next, and the next...

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. I am so sorry for your loss.

  5. Smells are so immediate, and the memory of them stays intact. Powerful stuff.

    And I'll listen to the stories as many times as you want to tell them.

    I love you.

  6. Thanks, y'all. I think sharing the stories does make the grief easier to bear and I appreciate that y'all are so willing to listen.

  7. PS-- Hi, D! Welcome to these here parts. I'm glad to see that you can comment now if you are so moved (and I'm glad I got brave enough to risk welcoming you in)! Love you too. :)


Don't just sit there staring, say something!