Thursday, March 08, 2012

Three Months and Counting

Cardiac arrhythmia due to cardiac hypertrophy was the official cause of death. 

Today makes three months.

How I wish I could get him some Pepsi and a cheesecake!

Love you too, son.

Oh, yes, I know. I posted a picture of the "I love you" note already. I've found grief makes you repeat a lot of things and sometimes causes you to tell the same stories over and over. There will be no new stories. I have to treasure the ones I have. Twenty-four years, that's all we had. Such a short time. But I am grateful.

I go into his room and stand for a few moments just to breathe in the scent of him. We all do that. I am afraid we are going to breathe it all in and soon there will be no more smells of him.

I have his phone on my nightstand and sometimes I pick it up and look at it as though it is some sort of teleporter gadget that is capable of bringing him back to me.

I dream of him and hear his voice and it sounds so real and clear that I wake up filled with yearning.

I just want to remember every single bit of him. 


7 comments:

  1. I want you to be able to do that. Three months must seem like a life time sweetie.

    I hope that the smell never goes away.

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  2. I also meant to say that I love the notes. Post them as much as you want.

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  3. I hurt for you. It's just wonderful to celebrate him and mark the loss of him any way you want. I am honored to be a part of the remembering.

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  4. Ah, my heart hurts. Your sorrow is so heavy.

    I pray that sharing it helps lessen the burden somehow. I suppose you will never not miss him. I pray the gratitude sustains you through the next moment, and the next, and the next...

    Thank you for sharing your beautiful words. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  5. Smells are so immediate, and the memory of them stays intact. Powerful stuff.

    And I'll listen to the stories as many times as you want to tell them.

    I love you.

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  6. Thanks, y'all. I think sharing the stories does make the grief easier to bear and I appreciate that y'all are so willing to listen.

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  7. PS-- Hi, D! Welcome to these here parts. I'm glad to see that you can comment now if you are so moved (and I'm glad I got brave enough to risk welcoming you in)! Love you too. :)

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