Saturday, November 17, 2007

Reaching for Help

I wrote this post on April 18th of this year and I said that I'd had it in my drafts file for a couple of months where I talked about depression and the possible need to go back on medication. I've been fighting this latest round for several months now.

I tend to be able to pull myself out of depression, which I think, makes sense if I have the dysthymic depression that the doctor said I had several years back when he gave the bleak prognosis that I would probably need to be on medicine for the rest of my life. The thing is, it takes a lot of energy to talk myself out of the depression, and it never lasts very long. Then I have to start talking to myself again. And I am tired.

It's gotten to where it is almost all I can do to get up and go to work. Several kind people have helped convince me that I probably need to get back on the medicine. I call these people kind almost sarcastically because who wants to be looked straight in the eye and be told "You are depressed, and you need something to help you cope." And then when I complained to another person, saying I have
been coping, he had to say "Yes, but how well have you been coping?" Both these people are professional therapists so they ought to know that of which they speak.

I know it too, in my heart of hearts. And I am somewhat relieved to be finally reaching for the safety net.

Day 17: I am thankful for medicine, and for the insurance that helps to pay for it, that stuff is danged expensive and somebody needs to do something about it.

(Please forgive the high number of sentences that seem to run on and on. I think it has something to do with my relief at having finally decided to do something to help myself with this problem!)


  1. I know you won't want to hear this one after all you've been listening to, but you know the medication does help...if your body just can't make it's own, you have to take something to give it a kick. Literally and know what I mean.
    Sometimes you just have to do what ever it takes to feel better. And that's a hard thing to do. I'll be praying for you.

  2. It occurs to me that your new blog picture somewhat resembles an executioner's chair - given its placement on the page and focus on the seat - and then I am reading about the depression just below the picture - wow - not of course what I imagine you intended - but maybe a true picture of your current doom and gloom - emphasis on the doom(ed). This is just what I see. At any rate, I surely hope your mood lifts soon.

  3. I know you might think of a lifetime of medicine for depression as bleak, but as this point, I rejoice that there is medication to keep me from being in the depths of depression that keeps me from functioning.

    I don't know how you feel, but depression is what I think of as hell on earth.

    Praying for you!

  4. Thanks Ayekah. You've earned the right to tell me that. Now when's it gonna feel better?? : )

    Anonymous That's a pretty interesting interpretation. I've had the chair photos for a while and as I was working on this, I sort of thought of being in a therapist's chair, which some people might feel is somewhat akin to being in the executioner's chair!

    The mood has lifted, a tiny, bit, just because I have made the decision to act.

    Cathy Thank you. I see it as having to walk through water, where the walking is made ten times harder. I do hope that feeling changes soon. And yes, thank God there is medicine to help.

  5. Good for you! It's so much better to get the proper help now. There's no longer any reason for people to grit their teeth and try and bear through this type of depression. I hope you feel better soon.

  6. Linda Thanks, I remember you told me to get the meds back in April and I said I was going to wait it out. You are so right, the gritting of the teeth and bearing through it is unnecessary.

  7. Why do you look at it the way that you do? I take meds for depression. I have never kept that a secret. Our brains do not make the proper chemicals. You would not look down on a diabetic for having to take insulin? Or a person with a person with a broken foot having to use a crutch? It is a physical problem that effects us mentally and emotionally.

  8. Mindy You are right, that is part of what help me make the decision to get back on them. I am sick, and responsible people take their medicine when they are sick. There are other factors also. It's complicated.

  9. You are not sick. There is just not the proper amount of that chemical in your body sweetie!

  10. As one who spent three years caring for a seriously depressed husband, and then got badly kicked in the teeth when he couldn't cope anymore and needed someone to blame.....Just ask that you try very hard to keep remaining aware of those around you who are trying to be of help in your strife...../ ....striving....x


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